If you are here for my Writer's Voice contest entry, click here.
Welcome to day two of the Dust It Off Bloghop, in which I post a 300-350 word excerpt from a currently shelved manuscript. I've chosen to use my 2011 NaNo that I haven't looked at it since typing the words The End. Feel free to leave a comment and visit the link above to see what others are dusting off to share with the world this week.
*In this scene, Koa is on his canoe and has just run into the shark king: the shark who killed Koa's mother two years before. He also just found out the shark king can talk and is surprised by this.*
Title: KOA'S PASSAGE
Genre: MG Fantasy Adventure
Word Count: 54,000
Excerpt:
“I
am the shark king, Koa,” he said. Then added, as though reading my mind,
“Surely you know I am a creature of magic as much as your eonian owl.” The
shark king’s voice was guttural with a desperate and wet rasp to it, as though
he were screaming as he drowned in front of me. It was a disturbing sound. The
smirk on his rough face showed he enjoyed instilling such fear into all those he
came in contact with. Including the sharks he ruled over, I supposed, based on
their hasty retreat before his arrival.
“I
don't care whether you hold any magic or not. It's no concern of mine. I
would care more about a fly in my mashed taro than about a fish like you.” I
looked at the nails on my hands, trying to portray indifference to my sworn
enemy.
“It
should be a concern of yours, boy,” he said. “I have been following you for a
long time.”
“You
followed me all the way from my island? What a waste of life.”
“Not
just these past weeks, Koa,” he said. “I have been following you for your
entire life.”
I
dropped my hand but did not look at him. I froze my face to betray the
confusion stirring within. “You must have been searching very hard then, since
I’ve been in the same place all that time until now.” My sarcasm was an easy
way to hide how afraid I was at that moment, learning the shark
king had been looking for me for so long. I hadn’t even seen him in the water
until that disastrous day, though now that I think about it, Grandfather seemed
to know he was the shark king immediately.
“You
don’t understand, do you, boy?” The shark king gave a harsh and throaty laugh.
“I have claim on you. You should have been mine that day in the water, over two
years ago.”
I
didn’t say a word. He was right; I should have been his. 
15 comments:
Good scenario. One thing you could improve: ...the smirk on his rough face. Describe this. He's a shark, right? So show how a shark's face smirks.
Great to read a little from another writer.
Sounds intriguing! I can't believe you produced this during NaNoWriMo, well done :)
Now I'm wondering why the shark king wants him. I gotta go back and read your pitch again.
Wow! Such creativity! Talk about world building! ;)
This is some fabulous dialogue, and I'm really feeling for Koa! What a unique story, I want more!!
This grabbed my attention within the first couple of sentences. How awesome!
Why should he have been his??? I'm starting to rethink the 300-350 word minimum. I want more.
I agree with Theresa. 300 words is too little. I read the excerpts and always want more! And I want more of yours! lol
Wow, this was so different to your other work (still great though!). It just shows how flexible and versatile you are as a writer, which is incredibly commendable. I'm glad you shared this!
Why'd you shelve this one again,? :)
Great exerpt
Love this!!! so interesting. A shark king... love it! And I liked how he was trying to hide his fear from the shark king.
Andrea
This is so cool Ilima. And your writing is just so wonderful.
very interesting concept! a shark king. love the idea!
This is totally different from anything I've ever read and in such a good way. The world is amazing and the character already sounds like someone I'd want to follow along with.
Nice! I love the culture in it and the voice. And a great last line. I definitely want to know more. Great job :)
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