Saturday, May 5, 2012

Dust It Off Bloghop--The Excerpt

If you are here for my Writer's Voice contest entry, click here.




Welcome to day two of the Dust It Off Bloghop, in which I post a 300-350 word excerpt from a currently shelved manuscript. I've chosen to use my 2011 NaNo that I haven't looked at it since typing the words The End. Feel free to leave a comment and visit the link above to see what others are dusting off to share with the world this week. 


*In this scene, Koa is on his canoe and has just run into the shark king: the shark who killed Koa's mother two years before. He also just found out the shark king can talk and is surprised by this.*



Title: KOA'S PASSAGE


Genre: MG Fantasy Adventure


Word Count: 54,000


Excerpt:

            “I am the shark king, Koa,” he said. Then added, as though reading my mind, “Surely you know I am a creature of magic as much as your eonian owl.” The shark king’s voice was guttural with a desperate and wet rasp to it, as though he were screaming as he drowned in front of me. It was a disturbing sound. The smirk on his rough face showed he enjoyed instilling such fear into all those he came in contact with. Including the sharks he ruled over, I supposed, based on their hasty retreat before his arrival.
            “I don't care whether you hold any magic or not. It's no concern of mine. I would care more about a fly in my mashed taro than about a fish like you.” I looked at the nails on my hands, trying to portray indifference to my sworn enemy.
            “It should be a concern of yours, boy,” he said. “I have been following you for a long time.”
            “You followed me all the way from my island? What a waste of life.”
            “Not just these past weeks, Koa,” he said. “I have been following you for your entire life.”
            I dropped my hand but did not look at him. I froze my face to betray the confusion stirring within. “You must have been searching very hard then, since I’ve been in the same place all that time until now.” My sarcasm was an easy way to hide how afraid I was at that moment, learning the shark king had been looking for me for so long. I hadn’t even seen him in the water until that disastrous day, though now that I think about it, Grandfather seemed to know he was the shark king immediately.
            “You don’t understand, do you, boy?” The shark king gave a harsh and throaty laugh. “I have claim on you. You should have been mine that day in the water, over two years ago.”
            I didn’t say a word. He was right; I should have been his. 



15 comments:

Francene Stanley said...

Good scenario. One thing you could improve: ...the smirk on his rough face. Describe this. He's a shark, right? So show how a shark's face smirks.
Great to read a little from another writer.

Laura said...

Sounds intriguing! I can't believe you produced this during NaNoWriMo, well done :)

Suzi said...

Now I'm wondering why the shark king wants him. I gotta go back and read your pitch again.

Morgan said...

Wow! Such creativity! Talk about world building! ;)

Cortney Pearson said...

This is some fabulous dialogue, and I'm really feeling for Koa! What a unique story, I want more!!

Danielle B. said...

This grabbed my attention within the first couple of sentences. How awesome!

Theresa said...

Why should he have been his??? I'm starting to rethink the 300-350 word minimum. I want more.

Juliana Haygert said...

I agree with Theresa. 300 words is too little. I read the excerpts and always want more! And I want more of yours! lol

Fiona said...

Wow, this was so different to your other work (still great though!). It just shows how flexible and versatile you are as a writer, which is incredibly commendable. I'm glad you shared this!

Robin said...

Why'd you shelve this one again,? :)

Great exerpt

Andrea said...

Love this!!! so interesting. A shark king... love it! And I liked how he was trying to hide his fear from the shark king.

Andrea

Kelley Lynn said...

This is so cool Ilima. And your writing is just so wonderful.

Tara Tyler said...

very interesting concept! a shark king. love the idea!

Avery Marsh said...

This is totally different from anything I've ever read and in such a good way. The world is amazing and the character already sounds like someone I'd want to follow along with.

Shiela Calderón Blankemeier said...

Nice! I love the culture in it and the voice. And a great last line. I definitely want to know more. Great job :)