First Fight/First Kiss Blogfest-Day One

Welcome to Day One of the First Fight/First Kiss Blogfest hosted by Danielle and Jackie.

Today I am posting a scene from my YA contemporary novel UNFOLD ME which is currently pushed aside awaiting major revisions. It is the first fight my characters Kami and Lucas have and though it is a little long (apologies) it is one of my favs. Hope you enjoy, and go here to see who else is participating. Tune in on Thursday to read about their first kiss, ooh la la. :)

*note: I'm off camping this entire week so I won't be able to respond to comments or visit other participants' blogs until the weekend*

Onto the fight scene:

            I woke with a start, still curled up on the green plastic chair of the school bus. I felt disoriented for a minute, noticing the bus was empty of students. I wondered how long we had been back on campus.

            “Sorry,” Lucas said. He still sat next to me. “I didn’t want to wake you. You looked so peaceful.”

            Somehow I knew my falling asleep next to Lucas would get me in trouble, again. I cursed to myself for my stupidity and sat up to leave.

            “Your arm,” Lucas said, oblivious to my motion of trying to exit. He grabbed my arm and I sat back into the chair. “Does it hurt?”

            I shook my head.

            Lucas ran his fingers along the unharmed parts of my arm. It sent a cool chill inside me that felt great after the long hike. I watched his face as he touched me. He was looking at his fingers. His eyes narrowed with conflicted emotion. Concern? Fear? Love?

            I felt a rock settle in the pit of my stomach. It felt horrible—letting him fall for me like this. Hadn’t I always known there was no way I could be with him? And yet I let him think there was a chance.

            His fingers intertwined with mine. I pulled my hand away slowly, but it did nothing to lessen the impact. Lucas’ brows came together in frustration. I couldn’t bear to see him so hurt and I turned my face to the window. I tried to focus on something outside, but everything was a blur. And it didn’t help when my eyes brimmed with tears that sent themselves launching over the edge. I brought my hand to my mouth, biting my fingers to stop them from trembling.

            “Kami?” Lucas brushed the hair away from my face. His voice quivered. “Kami.” His hand shook as he carefully turned my face to look at him. “I love you.”

            “Don’t,” I blurted. I shook my head and squeezed my eyes shut. I didn’t want to hear this.

            “I love you,” he said again.

            So sure. How could he be so sure of something this significant?

            “And I want you.” His hand came to my waist and twisted me to face him. Despite looking at him through my tears, he was as clear to me as my own reflection. Yet at the same time he was everything I’m not, but everything I needed. He was a light. A beacon. Warm and sure and beautiful.

            His hands braced the sides of my face. He closed his eyes as he said it again, “I love you, and I want you.” He opened his eyes and searched mine. “What do you want, Kami?”

            “I can’t,” I muttered.

            “Yes, you can!” His eyes bore deep into mine, willing me to answer. “Don’t think about what your uncle or Miss Luann said you need. Don’t think about what I want. And please,” he begged me. “Don’t think about what your stubborn brain tells you you don’t need.” He placed his hand over the center of my chest. “What do you want, Kami? Just you.”

            My heart raced, and the tears continued to fall. I searched his eyes for an answer that wasn’t his to give. It was mine. What did I want? I wanted to curl up here in his arms and let him hold me. I wanted to break down my barrier and let him fix me, let him take care of me. I wanted to stop worrying about everything that could possibly go wrong. I wanted…

            “I want to be safe,” I said softly.

            Lucas’ hand dropped from my chest and fell in his lap. “And I’m not safe?” He thought about that a minute, then added, “What happened to you?” His words were so slight, I wondered if he meant for me to hear them at all.

            All of the things I wanted from him weren’t his to give. The security and comfort and safety I longed for…it was something I wanted from him, but it would only be a surface solution to a deeper problem. I needed to find those things for myself. It had to come from me before I could trust anyone else.

            “I want…” I started to say, and then paused. Lucas’ eyes were hopeful. He was so patient with me. And forgiving. Things I didn’t deserve. He waited for me to tell him what he wanted to hear—that I wanted him. It was the truth, and he was so ready to receive it, had been ready for a long time. But I wasn’t ready to give it. Not yet.

            “I want you to go,” I said. I looked away from his hurt face. “I want you to leave. That’s what I want.”

            His fingers curled tightly into fists and he stood with a vengeance. “You’re lying,” he spat at me. I didn’t deny it. He turned and stormed down the aisle of the bus, punching his fist into the back of one of the seats as he did. The sound of it shook me and sent me into another round of sobs as I watched him slam through the front door of the bus.